In a world where communication is often distilled into short texts, fleeting conversations, and quick glances, mastering communication skills—particularly between men—has never been more important. Many men struggle with building deep and meaningful relationships with other men. The art of connection involves more than just talking. It’s about listening, understanding, and responding with integrity.
This article breaks down the fundamentals of communication between men—Like, honesty, empathy, and active listening—into actionable principles. Drawing from Jocko Willink's no-bs approach to life, this piece will give you practical tools to lead in your relationships.
Let’s break this down.
Step 1: Honesty — The Foundation of Strong Relationships
In any relationship, honesty is the bedrock. If you want to build trust, you need to start with truth. Men often shy away from direct honesty in fear of conflict or hurting the other person’s feelings. But avoiding truth does more harm than good. Jocko Willink often says, "Discipline equals freedom," and that applies here. Discipline yourself to speak honestly, even when it’s uncomfortable.
What Does Honesty Look Like?
Honesty doesn’t mean brutal, tactless words. It means sharing your real thoughts and emotions, clearly and respectfully. If you’re not being upfront, you’re leading the other person in the dark. When you’re honest, you allow trust to flourish, and trust is what fortifies any relationship.
Example: Suppose you disagree with a close friend’s choices. Rather than holding back or sugarcoating, say, “Look, I respect you, but I need to be straight with you. I think you’re heading in the wrong direction.” Deliver the truth firmly but with respect. You owe it to the other person to be honest.
Quotes to Remember: “If you can’t be trusted with small things, you won’t be trusted with big things.”
"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom." – Thomas Jefferson
Actionable Takeaway
Get in the habit of practicing radical honesty. Start with small things—say what you actually feel. Let that evolve into bigger conversations. Trust is earned by being clear, direct, and consistent in your honesty.
Step 2: Active Listening — The Power of Presence
Listening is an underutilized weapon. Men are often quick to offer advice or solutions when, sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is just listen. Listening is more than hearing words; it’s about paying attention to what the other person is really saying. It’s about being present.
What Does Active Listening Look Like?
Jocko Willink emphasizes discipline in every area of life, and active listening is no different. It requires focus, eye contact, and patience. When someone speaks, do not interrupt. Don’t plan your response while they’re talking. Just listen. Nod if you understand. Ask clarifying questions if needed. This is about being engaged and showing that their words matter.
Example: Let’s say a buddy is opening up about a rough time in his life. Instead of cutting in to offer a solution, take a step back. Listen fully. You might say, “I hear you. That sounds tough. Want to talk more about it?” This shows empathy and that you’re not dismissing what they’re going through.
Quote to Remember: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” - Stephen Covey
Actionable Takeaway
Start your next conversation with the intention to listen, not to talk. Let the other person finish their thoughts before you respond. This will make your connections deeper and more meaningful.
Step 3: Empathy — Understanding Beyond Words
Empathy is your ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes. It’s not always about having the same experience but recognizing the other person’s perspective and feelings. For many men, empathy doesn’t come naturally—it requires effort. Jocko Willink often emphasizes the importance of leading with compassion. Empathy is a form of leadership in relationships because it fosters trust and closeness.
What Does Empathy Look Like?
Empathy is about validation. You don’t have to agree with someone to empathize. It’s about saying, “I see where you’re coming from.” When you validate someone’s emotions, you show that you value their perspective, even if it’s different from yours. This creates a bridge between you and the other person.
Example: A close friend might be going through a breakup. Instead of downplaying it, show empathy: “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, but I’m here for you.” You don’t have to fix it—just be there.
Quote to Remember: “Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.” - Mohsin Hamid
Actionable Takeaway
When someone shares something emotional or difficult, start with a phrase that validates their experience. Avoid jumping to conclusions or advice. Simply acknowledge their emotions.
Step 4: Vulnerability — The Strength in Weakness
Men are often taught that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. Wrong. Vulnerability is strength, and it’s a crucial part of building deep relationships. The ability to share your struggles, fears, and weaknesses is what makes relationships authentic. Jocko Willink teaches that leadership requires showing up as you are, without pretending to be invincible.
What Does Vulnerability Look Like?
Vulnerability is sharing what’s beneath the surface. It’s admitting when you don’t have the answers or when you’re struggling. This doesn’t mean you overshare or emotionally dump on someone. It means opening up in a way that deepens the connection.
Example: If you’re struggling with stress or anxiety, tell a close friend, “I’ve been carrying a lot lately, and I’m feeling overwhelmed.” This invites them into your world, creating an opportunity for mutual support and deeper connection.
Quotes to Remember: “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” - Brené Brown
"In the hustle culture, vulnerability is the secret sauce. It separates the memorable from the masses."
Actionable Takeaway
Practice vulnerability by sharing something small that you’re dealing with. Open up the conversation. Over time, you’ll find that the relationships around you become more genuine and fulfilling.
Step 5: Building Trust — The Long Game of Relationships
Trust isn’t given. It’s earned. And it’s the core of every solid relationship. Trust is built through consistent action over time. In the context of communication, trust is established when you show that you are reliable, honest, and empathetic. It’s about being the guy others can count on, no matter what.
What Does Trust Look Like?
Trust is showing up—time and again. It’s following through on your promises and being there when others need you. But it’s also about being consistent in your communication. When you say something, mean it. And when you commit, deliver.
Example: If you tell a friend you’ll be there for them, make sure you follow through. Whether it’s showing up when they need a favor or just being a good listener, trust is built on reliability.
Quotes to Remember: “Trust is earned in drops and lost in buckets.” - Kevin Plank
"Trust is the currency of business. Lose it, and you’re bankrupt."
Actionable Takeaway
Start focusing on consistency. Be reliable in your words and actions. Even if it’s something small, let your friends know they can count on you. Over time, this will deepen your connections.
Final Thoughts: Leading with Discipline in Communication
Building deeper, stronger relationships with other men is not easy. It requires effort, vulnerability, and most of all, discipline. But the rewards are immense—trust, loyalty, and friendships that stand the test of time.
Remember, communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about listening actively, being honest, showing empathy, and being willing to be vulnerable. These are the traits of strong men who lead in their relationships. Don’t shy away from these responsibilities—embrace them.
Jocko Willink often says, “There are no bad teams, only bad leaders.” In this context, your “team” is your group of close friends and family. Lead in your relationships, and you’ll see them flourish.
In the end, the art of connection is about becoming the type of man who fosters genuine, lasting bonds. That’s not just friendship—that’s leadership.
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Author: Lance Reis